today i was looking at career websites. nothing seems like what i want to do. i went to the international mission board's website. i am now depressed. you have to be 21 to even be considered a missionary. you have to be in shape. i am neither of these. i am a music major right now but nothing seems appealing to me. i wish God would yell at me and tell me what to do. it would be a lot easier. i wish i wasnt so blind and deaf to His leading. did i mention i even looked into being a puppeteer. apparently there is a school out in California that has a program designed for puppetry. then more i thought about it the crazier i sounded.
newsflash: im off facebook. it's awesome! i feel so free. some people were upset about this. but i really never understood the point. you can read about my facebook rant in my first blog. i was thinking about how i was spending more time on facebook than i was in God's Book. and looking at His Face. then i was talking to one of my nonChristian friends and this person was like: yeah im getting off of here. it's a waist of time.--that was the nail in the coffin for me. whew. i have a life now. it';s amazing.
back to the missionary thing: international mission board wants future missionaries to have already led someone to Christ. i feel like an awful servant right now. how many people have i led to Christ? zip. zero. none. yeah. what a great witness i am. so now there are three reasons why they wont let me go. but i want to go. my heart is aching to go. but how can i leave when i dont have a plan of action from the Captain. sigh.
no matter what, my heart will choose to say: Lord, blessed be Your name.
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