For over seven years I suffered from chronic pain.
It began when a family member told me I was worthless and didn’t do anything to
help around the house. So to prove this person wrong I carried twenty gallons
of paint up a hill to his/her truck- AT ONE TIME. Ten gallons in each hand. For
all you strong people out there you may scoff and say that’s nothing. But for
an average sophomore-in-college-young-lady it was quite a feat. In the process
of trying to prove my worth I tore all the muscles in my upper back.
The
following day I decided to wear high heals to campus (probably because I had to
perform that day) while carrying a 40 pound backpack. But this is only the
beginning of my foolishness causing me harm.
A “friend” offered to rub my
aching back. This “friend” then chopped my
shoulder blade with all his/her might. I don’t mean the continuous chop that
makes you go “uuuuuuuuh”. It was like a dagger was driven into my muscles with
such force the wind was knocked out of me and I had no feeling from my back
down to my leg. This “friend”, and another person who was around, proceed to
laugh as I lay on the floor withering in pain.
For over a year the pain slowly eased. I probably went to get
a massage or two to help. But within a years time I went white water rafting and pulled a muscle
behind my knee or above it. That same
year I was in a car accident where the other driver ran a red light. Whiplash
from the wreck brought all the previously mentioned pain swarming back like
never before as well as causing neck pain. At this point pain now began to be ever
present from my neck down to my knee.
A random chiropractor office in town
called me up shortly after the wreck knowing I had been in a wreck. That was creepy. These are the types of doctors who I
like to call ambulance chasers. They look at police reports to find out who
they can con money out of next and know just what to say in order to overcharge
you for their services. I saw past their false caring words. I also knew a
massage was not going to help this time and since I still had insurance I was
able to go to physical therapy.
The PTs gave me a stretching routine to do but it
would only eased the pain for 30 minutes and then the pain would come back with
rage. Was I to live a life of having to constantly stretch? (There is a metaphor
for ya.) Maybe it was because I was overweight… Ha! Looking back at photos of
myself from during this time I’m enraged at my then self-view. I looked
goooood. But I wasn’t a beanpole so obviously I was obese. (joke)
Later in my
college life I pulled a lower back muscle while walking up stairs and wearing a
70 pound backpack. Wonder how that could have happened, eh? I thought I was
paralayzed for life after this injury. Three days passed and I was finally able
to move/walk “normal”. At this time I had no insurance so there was no going to
see a doctor for help.
There was also a time where I went hiking and for
some reason I fell. My fall was broken by a jagged tree root that went into my
lower back/bum. About the same spot I had pulled the muscle when walking up
campus stairs a year prior. I still
have red marks from where it injured me. And there have been different times I
have rolled my ankles or bent my foot wrong.
Pain was like a gnat buzzing in my ear. Reminding me it was there up in my
neck all the way down to my ankle.
Now, a couple of years ago I went to one of those
churches that believe in the Holy Spirit and His power to heal. And I don’t
mean, “Oh, God, let the medicine work” healing.(Nothing against those who take
medicine for healing. That’s another blog for another time…and another
blogger.) I mean they pray and Holy Spirit brings healing kind of healing. At
the end of the service the pastor asked if there was anyone who was in need of
prayer for healing for any reason. I spoke up/raised my hand. Maybe this would
be the day the pain would finally stop.
So as people prayed over/for me one woman stopped praying and looked at
me and asked, “Are your hips out of alignment?” I replied, “I don’t know. Why?”
Note, I was sitting so no one would be able to tell from that. “I think your
hips are out of alignment. You need to go see a chiropractor.”
*gasp*
A
chiropractor? I told her how I was scared of chiropractors. I grew up with my
family preaching the word of chiropractors being corrupt and cause damage to your
health. Thus, I didn’t go.
For the
next two or three years the pain grew stronger. I was covered in pain and with
it its fellow symptoms: depression, sorrow, upset stomach, weight gain, lack of
focus. (As for the latter, people accused me of being add/adhd but I think
it was my subconscious trying not to focus on the pain). I was miserable!
Know this: I would seldom take any kind of medicine
to alleviate the pain. I knew this was a pain too deep for medicine to help and
I would only take ibuprofen on days when it was really bad. And by really bad I
mean I couldn’t stand or sit for more than 30 minutes without feeling
exhausted. It would ease the pain to where
I could focus a little bit better and get stuff done.
This past Thanksgiving all those symptoms were
yelling at me. I was being overcome with it all. I was afraid I had some kind
of food allergy, but, no matter what I ate my digestion system would be upset.
I had no energy or motivation to do anything except bond with the couch.
I was upset at myself. This is not the person
I wanted to be. I was forcing myself to go out and do things just to prove the
pain and depression wrong. They of course would retaliate with a deep emotional
exhaustion.
On one particular outing this past December I went
to work out with a friend. Now this friend is one of those people who just
smiles the entire time she is at the gym. Maybe I am the only one that when I’m
at the gym I’m overwhelmed with the thought of: "I am never going to master all
this. I’m never going to be strong enough." But when you work out with a friend
who is happy to be there and thinks it can be a fun time, smiles can be contagious.
We were going about lifting weights, working the
machines. She, of course, is leading this workout session. We get to one weight
machine and she demonstrates how we are going to strengthen our calf muscles.
Sweet! I know this one. It’s like 48s. I used to do this all the time back in
high school. I would get compliments on my calf muscles. I’ve got this!
To do this exercise one must extended her
legs to where her knees are slightly bent then proceed to push on the
flat part of the machine with her toes/balls of her feet. It’s
ridiculously easy. Yet, I couldn’t do it.
My friend was trying to explain it to
me and I was like “Thank you, Captain Obvious!” So for a minute or two my
friend is watching me struggle with THE MOST BASIC EXERCISE EVER and then
speaks, “Are your hips out of alignment?” *You’ve got to be kidding me* “Ya
know,” I answer, “Your distant cousin got a word from the Lord a couple of
years ago that they were...so, maybe? Why?”
“Because one leg is completely straight and the other leg the knee is
slightly bent.” I was dumbfounded.
That’s it! I had to get a chiropractor. She
suggested one that was super fancy and far away from my neck of the woods.
Being an unemployed licensed teacher that wasn’t going to work for me…But I had
to find another.
Who else could suggest a safe and wise chiropractor-
one who was honest and not an ambulance chaser? Obviously my hippy friend would
know someone…okay she’s not a hippy but she’s super into homeopathic medicine/life.
My nickname for her is Mother Earth and I hope one day I can be as cool a woman
as she is. She gave me the chiropractor information…again, for I had inquired of
this before, years ago, but didn’t go-Because fear hinders people from healing. I
called this chiropractor. It was Christmas weekend. No answer. I called the Wednesday after
Christmas. Was it a coincidence I wore my Ironman pajama shirt the night before
I contacted Dr. Jerviss? Different spelling, same pronunciation(at least if you
have a southern accent), but an extreme help just like Ironman’s computer nonetheless.
She answered and said to come on over to the office that day! No more waiting.
I called the
workout buddy and told her what was happening. What was this feeling stirring
in my soul? As I drove to the WellHouse tears were on the brim of my eyes but it wasn’t from sorrow. At
long last I was going to the door at which God had said I could find physical
healing. Boy was I stubborn at adhering to His voice!
Dr. Jerviss was a little dumbfounded as I told her
of all the different injuries I had had that caused me pain. I left out the
emotional details because I didn’t want to dwell on any bitterness at this
appointment. She said when I walked in she wouldn’t have known all that had
happened to me. It reminded me of a compliment someone had given me by how I
kept smiling even though I was in constant pain.
She proceeded to
adjust me. There was one point where I felt something deep in my core adjust.
It was at that moment I felt the depression leave me. I could breathe again! I
mean, I never stopped breathing, but, now it didn’t seem like an effort to enjoy
being alive and breathing.
After my walk-in appointment I went to have coffee
with my friend. I couldn’t stop smiling. I told her she probably hadn’t seen me
this happy in years. She remarked, “Girl, this isn’t happiness. This is joy!”
My smile was no longer a masque but a reflection of my soul.
Of course, I felt an immediate relief after being adjusted, but having lived with
over seven years of pain I will be responsible with this healing process and continue
to go see Dr. Jerviss for 6 more weeks and then a monthly visit and eventually
get to point where I only go as needed.
All the rage, bitterness, and depression are gone.
With all those awful symptoms of pain gone I feel like there is good soil for
the fruit of the Spirit to grow in my life. Anger seems like a foreign emotion
to me. Once more mercy and compassion can dwell in me. Memories of regret are
being replaced with seeing how God was working around me all along.
When I stand it doesn’t feel like the room is at an
angle. It isn’t an effort to have good posture. I wish I could go back and do
my senior vocal recital now that I can stand with confidence. Fear has been
crushed. All the ways the enemy has tried to break me (literally) have been defeated.
Praise
God for allowing his creation to learn about how the body works and being able
to help one another out.
What I want you to take away from all of this:
God is alive.
And He is in the business of bringing healing in surprising ways. I mean this isn’t
the first time in the history of mankind he brought healing to a person in an
odd way. Go check out the account of Naaman in 2 Kings 5:1-19. And then, let’s
not forget the blind guy in John 9(yep. The entire chapter! Read it!)
The Bible is filled with these accounts of the Lord healing in
mysterious ways. I mean even the way he chose to heal our captive souls wasn’t
what was expected by people. But if we want the healing He offers, it’s going to
take an act of obedience to go where he called us to find that healing as well
as surrender of fear of the things of this world. Like Naaman and myself, the Lord might
send us to a place our old selves detest. It is in that place we will find life and be made new. When we go
we finally find peace. We can breathe again and our hearts are open to Holy
Spirit coming into our lives and restoring our souls.
At first I was going to keep my story of God healing
my back on the down low. But I am filled with too much joy to keep it a secret.
My family may ridicule me for going to a chiropractor. (They don’t know yet, but
it won’t be long after I post this blog that they will know.) Others may
ridicule me for giving God all this credit for healing. I can't contain this good news! I want to proclaim
the Lords goodness forever!
I once was a captive to pain. Pain caused my mouth
to be filled with vile words and complaints. Now that kind of talk seems odd to
my mouth. Now my heart is filled with laughter and my mouth is filled with
songs of joy!
May all who read this seek the Lord and find true restoration.
Psalm 126
Zion’s Restoration
A song of ascents.
When the Lord
restored the fortunes of Zion,
we were like those who dream.
Our mouths were filled with laughter then,
and our tongues with shouts of joy.
Then they said among the nations,
“The Lord has done great things
for them.”
The Lord had done
great things for us;
we were joyful.
Restore our fortunes, Lord,
like watercourses in the Negev.
Those who sow in tears
will reap with shouts of joy.
Though one goes along weeping,
carrying the bag of seed,
he will surely come back with shouts of joy,
carrying his sheaves.
