i am not worried.
no more fears.
i will not accept the offers.
into the darkness they scurried.
focus not on the blessings
but from the giver, my beautiful King.
millions of whispers deafen my ears
i long only for one Voice
all these other words sound so kind and sweet
how can good things become all wrong
somehow i try to take hold that which is not mine
Lord vanquish these fears
thus my soul shall freely rejoice!
let me not look to the bitterness that brings defeat
it is not "good things", but in Truth in which i belong
all the worlds offers i decline
Saturday, May 29, 2010
another oldie but a goodie :)
Blessèd assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
Refrain
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long;
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior, all the day long.
Perfect submission, perfect delight,
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
Refrain
Perfect submission, all is at rest
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with His goodness, lost in His love.
no worries :) / good ol' hymn
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Refrain
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
Refrain
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
Refrain
For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
Refrain
But, Lord, ‘tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh trump of the angel! Oh voice of the Lord!
Blessèd hope, blessèd rest of my soul!
Refrain
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
half typed
doing five things at once= half typed sentences. i tried posting a status yesterday and left out a main word.
i miss my friends.
i am tempted to pick up the twilight series again. i dont think i should.
i was tempted to get back on facebook. i am not going to do so. i still dont see the point.
thinking about the return to knoxville. im worried about classes starting in june for numerous reasons. praying about that. im scared.
prayer. beautiful in many ways.
i miss my instruments. i wish i could burst into song. no! a hymn. there isnt a hymn book here. i know parts of hymns. but not the entire song. which can be rather frustrating when u are wanting to sing your heart out to God.
i am restless.
whining. complaining. talking about myself to much....should i be blogging? it;s a good way to vent and if anyone bothers to read it then so what.
i miss my friends.
i am tempted to pick up the twilight series again. i dont think i should.
i was tempted to get back on facebook. i am not going to do so. i still dont see the point.
thinking about the return to knoxville. im worried about classes starting in june for numerous reasons. praying about that. im scared.
prayer. beautiful in many ways.
i miss my instruments. i wish i could burst into song. no! a hymn. there isnt a hymn book here. i know parts of hymns. but not the entire song. which can be rather frustrating when u are wanting to sing your heart out to God.
i am restless.
whining. complaining. talking about myself to much....should i be blogging? it;s a good way to vent and if anyone bothers to read it then so what.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
first words of the morning
i went to bed last night frustrated and contemplating something. i wouldnt pray i was so frustrated- i know. really dumb. i was mad. not at anyone. just something. anywho. my sister comes into my room wanting the keys to her car. apparently as she opened the door and was trying to be all sweet saying: melooody. then i say: WHY DOES IT EVEN MATTER?! all grumpy like and whatnot. she asked me if i even remembered saying that and i replied: no...i remember u were in the middle of my room asking me where your keys were located. and i said they were on the floor. whew. dont make me think to hard when i am heading to bed. i might snap when i wake up.
updates
i didnt get the job. apparently being a fast learner and desire to learn and all that means nothing. oh well. it is well with my soul
i lied yesterday. not on purpose. i couldnt understand what the jewish lady was saying to me. i feel if i had taken time to think then talk God would of blessed me with an opportunity to share the Gospel. but i did blow my money on her awesome Israel nail products. my sister was like: you bought that stuff? and i said: bethany went to Israel and had a spa day!...that was a great response. and then she said: well you have never had a shopping spree all to yourself have you?
that made me feel better. i said: not for myself no. the only all day sprees i have ever been on are during Christmas when im trying to find everyone gifts. it felt so weird being alone getting to do whatever i want. freedom. what a nice thing. angela has been letting me drive her car around Memphis. i feel so independent. like i can do anything. but i must not get cocky. true freedom is found under God's authority.
i digress. i missed an opportunity to share the words my Savior commanded me to speak all because i chose to be confused. sigh. i get on my own nerves a lot of times. thank you Lord for forgiveness. but how many more times will i be blind to the/a command(s) that require immediate action. ugh. somedays i think im never will be ready/good for use. today is one of those days.
i lied yesterday. not on purpose. i couldnt understand what the jewish lady was saying to me. i feel if i had taken time to think then talk God would of blessed me with an opportunity to share the Gospel. but i did blow my money on her awesome Israel nail products. my sister was like: you bought that stuff? and i said: bethany went to Israel and had a spa day!...that was a great response. and then she said: well you have never had a shopping spree all to yourself have you?
that made me feel better. i said: not for myself no. the only all day sprees i have ever been on are during Christmas when im trying to find everyone gifts. it felt so weird being alone getting to do whatever i want. freedom. what a nice thing. angela has been letting me drive her car around Memphis. i feel so independent. like i can do anything. but i must not get cocky. true freedom is found under God's authority.
i digress. i missed an opportunity to share the words my Savior commanded me to speak all because i chose to be confused. sigh. i get on my own nerves a lot of times. thank you Lord for forgiveness. but how many more times will i be blind to the/a command(s) that require immediate action. ugh. somedays i think im never will be ready/good for use. today is one of those days.
lies lies lies
i dont trust people. it takes me forever to trust them.
i dont like trusting people.
i trust God. sometimes im not to sure about that. but that's faith, eh?
people lie to me
people keep stuff from me
not everyone
but some of em
some of em are everywhere
some of em are in your life too
am i one of em?
am i not to be trusted?
do i blend in with this world so much that you turn away from me.
what little value i am
lies. lies. lies
and i accept them.
i shouldnt. why do i ?
i. i. i.i
why me?
i focus on me-foolishness
i am told more truth.
eh? what is this? i have never heard this in my sunday school lessons
but it is there
and now i hear
but i dont believe
i dont want them to hear
i only want my Abba to hear.
///////
i am a fool.
i am a burden.
i do not want to accept these names.
but they cling to me tightly.
a blessing i have never been.
some can argue. but that was long ago.
now i die. i want to live. it hurts to pray.
why must they hear? i only want my Abba to hear.
i only want His guidance. They are not Him. they are not my Savior.
What does all this mean? i want to speak out- speak to my Lord, yet, i do not want them to hear me.
i send my thoughts to Him, though my thoughts they can hear too?
i do not want to be exposed.
i have nothing to hide.
but i do not love them.
i love my King.
i love my Heavenly Daddy.
i want privacy.
i want the secret quiet place where nothing is there save my Father and myself.
i think to myself: i do not wish to learn from them.
Lord send them to punish me if ever need be [i.e. I Chronicles 21]. but please do not let them hear my words to you. not from my thoughts nor my lips. i only want you to hear them.
//am i that great a fool? neither option seems worthy of acceptance.
i cant pray
in all this confusion.
something so stupid has silenced me?
what an idiot i am.
i want to hear his voice. where is the secret quiet place.
there i must go. and fast. for i am falling. i am falling with pain. it wont go away.
i cry out. no i dont. i remain silent. i think. i think more. im scared of thinking for now everything knows. i have questions. but the one who told me this went away.
now i am forced to run to God. everyone else has left.
Lord Lord! come fast. your maidservant is scared. like a little girl. a foolish little girl.
i dont like trusting people.
i trust God. sometimes im not to sure about that. but that's faith, eh?
people lie to me
people keep stuff from me
not everyone
but some of em
some of em are everywhere
some of em are in your life too
am i one of em?
am i not to be trusted?
do i blend in with this world so much that you turn away from me.
what little value i am
lies. lies. lies
and i accept them.
i shouldnt. why do i ?
i. i. i.i
why me?
i focus on me-foolishness
i am told more truth.
eh? what is this? i have never heard this in my sunday school lessons
but it is there
and now i hear
but i dont believe
i dont want them to hear
i only want my Abba to hear.
///////
i am a fool.
i am a burden.
i do not want to accept these names.
but they cling to me tightly.
a blessing i have never been.
some can argue. but that was long ago.
now i die. i want to live. it hurts to pray.
why must they hear? i only want my Abba to hear.
i only want His guidance. They are not Him. they are not my Savior.
What does all this mean? i want to speak out- speak to my Lord, yet, i do not want them to hear me.
i send my thoughts to Him, though my thoughts they can hear too?
i do not want to be exposed.
i have nothing to hide.
but i do not love them.
i love my King.
i love my Heavenly Daddy.
i want privacy.
i want the secret quiet place where nothing is there save my Father and myself.
i think to myself: i do not wish to learn from them.
Lord send them to punish me if ever need be [i.e. I Chronicles 21]. but please do not let them hear my words to you. not from my thoughts nor my lips. i only want you to hear them.
//am i that great a fool? neither option seems worthy of acceptance.
i cant pray
in all this confusion.
something so stupid has silenced me?
what an idiot i am.
i want to hear his voice. where is the secret quiet place.
there i must go. and fast. for i am falling. i am falling with pain. it wont go away.
i cry out. no i dont. i remain silent. i think. i think more. im scared of thinking for now everything knows. i have questions. but the one who told me this went away.
now i am forced to run to God. everyone else has left.
Lord Lord! come fast. your maidservant is scared. like a little girl. a foolish little girl.
today and yesterday
i am in pain. my back hurts. it has been hurting since yesterday. i prayed it would go away. but now i fear of praying...pause. my grandmother just called. that made the day a little brighter. she never calls me just to chat. i can say the same vice versa. that made the day less dreary. anywho. this is the day the Lord hath made. i should be rejoicing and be glad in it!
but nightmares scared me. and more knowledge has scared me. i should follow the past three blogs i posted today. but i am sorely frightened. and my back still hurts. are my words that empty. do they hold no meaning.
i sound mad. but few if any may no what i am talking about. nothing bad. just something. but i dont like it. it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. i dont want it to be true. i prayed today it wouldnt be. i think God looked down on that. but i dont like it. i dont like it at all.
i feel empty. and not in a good way.
what a strange blog.
but nightmares scared me. and more knowledge has scared me. i should follow the past three blogs i posted today. but i am sorely frightened. and my back still hurts. are my words that empty. do they hold no meaning.
i sound mad. but few if any may no what i am talking about. nothing bad. just something. but i dont like it. it leaves a sour taste in my mouth. i dont want it to be true. i prayed today it wouldnt be. i think God looked down on that. but i dont like it. i dont like it at all.
i feel empty. and not in a good way.
what a strange blog.
from april 2010- written when a storm was a brewin.
I'm dancing with joy.
Will you dance with me?
When the sun is shining life is easy.
The clouds weep with joy and you begin to fret
You have no desire of getting wet
The ground may not be dry so you may fall
Falling while dancing would be better than sitting-
sitting inside wondering "what if"
Inside you went. Inside you stay.
You beckon me to come in.
To join you in your solitude.
I will not come
Complaining gets you nowhere
i will stand here in this storm
it will not defeat me
i have not forgotten Who is on our side- you have.
Will you dance with me?
When the sun is shining life is easy.
The clouds weep with joy and you begin to fret
You have no desire of getting wet
The ground may not be dry so you may fall
Falling while dancing would be better than sitting-
sitting inside wondering "what if"
Inside you went. Inside you stay.
You beckon me to come in.
To join you in your solitude.
I will not come
Complaining gets you nowhere
i will stand here in this storm
it will not defeat me
i have not forgotten Who is on our side- you have.
from april2010- the response
i hear His voice
Oh what beauty!
His plans are wise His ways are holy
my heart is filled with joy
Forgive me for worrying
You reveal your plans for me in perfect time
The world beckons me to cling to my fears and burdens.
But You, O Lord, command me to surrender and cling to Your Words.
Why do i accept the lies whispered in my ears...
" How can you trust Him? This surely cannot be the plans your God has for you. Go and pray some more. Then rest. The time for action will come later."
O my King! My Father! Silence these doubts.
i hear your Word daily. my flesh pulls away from what my soul has heard.
True rest is found in obedience to the Lord's will.
Praise the Lord, o my soul, for He has opened my eyes.
Ears that were once deaf now hear the sweet words of the Father. Eyes that were once blind have seen the path marked out by the Shepherd.
Rest. Peace. Strength. Boldness. Joy.
All these take place in my heart when i surrender all.
Oh what beauty!
His plans are wise His ways are holy
my heart is filled with joy
Forgive me for worrying
You reveal your plans for me in perfect time
The world beckons me to cling to my fears and burdens.
But You, O Lord, command me to surrender and cling to Your Words.
Why do i accept the lies whispered in my ears...
" How can you trust Him? This surely cannot be the plans your God has for you. Go and pray some more. Then rest. The time for action will come later."
O my King! My Father! Silence these doubts.
i hear your Word daily. my flesh pulls away from what my soul has heard.
True rest is found in obedience to the Lord's will.
Praise the Lord, o my soul, for He has opened my eyes.
Ears that were once deaf now hear the sweet words of the Father. Eyes that were once blind have seen the path marked out by the Shepherd.
Rest. Peace. Strength. Boldness. Joy.
All these take place in my heart when i surrender all.
from april 2010- the call
Where do you think you are going?
If you plan to travel in a pack how can you ever stand out?
you were not called to blend in with the world
you were not told to make everyone happy
Abandon your comfort zone
Surrender everything Then there is nothing else to lose
Blessing poured out in your life
Why do you not use them for My Glory?
My child wanders around asking questions
I beckon to her to stop and consider My Wonders
When she is still she shall hear My Voice.
I show her my plans.
At first she listens only to turn and become frantic.
Peace my child! Peace!
Lies have been fed from you from not of My Own.
Listen to your Father, Truth. Do not worry.
Obey me no matter what. Obey me when it is easy.
Obey me when disobedience offers an easier route.
I AM your Protector. I AM your Provider.
I AM your inheritance.
Turn to me. Hear me. Write (down) what I say to you.
My Words will keep you from falling.
My Spirit is your Guide. Listen to Him.
Abandon your fears. Abandon your friends.
Abandon your family.
Come live the life for which your heart is yearning.
If you plan to travel in a pack how can you ever stand out?
you were not called to blend in with the world
you were not told to make everyone happy
Abandon your comfort zone
Surrender everything Then there is nothing else to lose
Blessing poured out in your life
Why do you not use them for My Glory?
My child wanders around asking questions
I beckon to her to stop and consider My Wonders
When she is still she shall hear My Voice.
I show her my plans.
At first she listens only to turn and become frantic.
Peace my child! Peace!
Lies have been fed from you from not of My Own.
Listen to your Father, Truth. Do not worry.
Obey me no matter what. Obey me when it is easy.
Obey me when disobedience offers an easier route.
I AM your Protector. I AM your Provider.
I AM your inheritance.
Turn to me. Hear me. Write (down) what I say to you.
My Words will keep you from falling.
My Spirit is your Guide. Listen to Him.
Abandon your fears. Abandon your friends.
Abandon your family.
Come live the life for which your heart is yearning.
time for interesting blogs
i've decided to post my real writings
if they are a waste of your time then don't bother reading them.
if you have a problem with them then comment.
i act as if so many are reading this already. how silly of me.
if they are a waste of your time then don't bother reading them.
if you have a problem with them then comment.
i act as if so many are reading this already. how silly of me.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
a zi beach!
heading to the beach tomorrow. om excited about going but i wish i could lug my piano and violin with me. a week without playing instruments just might kill me. XD
it's been raining today and i like it. thunderstorms are so cool. i wish i was a great dancer. i would dance in the rain everytime.
my emotions are like cardboard right now. dull dull dull.
church was good. ton o' peeps at sunday school today. everyone is home for the summer.
im trying to get a job at this wedding gown shop near my house. i really hope i get it.
and i've been thinking about putting my actual- that is a weird word. just look at it. actual. actual. u hold the "l" out so long you'd think there would be two l's. but two l's look ridiculous. anywho! putting my actual writings on here. but i dont want a creeper to get em. then again im pretty sure a total--that word is like actual--one maybe two people actually- there's that other l- look at my blog.
well im off to jog.
it's been raining today and i like it. thunderstorms are so cool. i wish i was a great dancer. i would dance in the rain everytime.
my emotions are like cardboard right now. dull dull dull.
church was good. ton o' peeps at sunday school today. everyone is home for the summer.
im trying to get a job at this wedding gown shop near my house. i really hope i get it.
and i've been thinking about putting my actual- that is a weird word. just look at it. actual. actual. u hold the "l" out so long you'd think there would be two l's. but two l's look ridiculous. anywho! putting my actual writings on here. but i dont want a creeper to get em. then again im pretty sure a total--that word is like actual--one maybe two people actually- there's that other l- look at my blog.
well im off to jog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)